Not Belonging in Japan
You can't "be" Japanese and that's okay
The other day I was told—for my second time in eleven years living in Japan— “Go home you stupid foreigner. Leave Japan, now.”
Context: I was walking my dog. This woman was in front of us, smoking her cigarette, which is illegal to do in Japan in non-designated places. She’s in the middle of the street and blowing the smoke on both sides of her, hitting people—me and dog included—in the face.
As I pass her, I ask her to either, a) don’t smoke in the street or, b) at least move to the side of the street as you do it.
Then she erupted in her racist diatribe. And was about to kick my dog. I was seconds from going to jail for murder.
You could say I antagonized her, true. But I did so politely and in accord with Japanese customs.
Regardless, her words got me thinking about the times I “didn’t belong” in Japan. The straight-up racism—verbalized—is something rare. Others may have different experiences but mine is that.
(An example of in-your-face racism: An Italian restaurant in Tokyo has a sign on their front window saying, “No Chinese or Koreans allowed.” This restaurant is in Korea Town lol.)
Let’s look at some “practical” ways I don’t “fit” in Japanese society. These examples are not racist I believe, but they do suck all the same.
Note: I love living here, this is not me complaining. I think it’s important though, to see how life actually is in another culture.
Housing
When I moved to Kyoto nine years ago I found an amazing apartment. Perfect terrace. Right next to a train station. The real estate agent said that I can lease it out with no problem.
I call the landlord, and he flatly says, “No foreigners.”
I go back to the agent and tell him about this. He’s at a loss—never dealt with foreign customers before—and finds me ten more places. Every single one of them rejected my application because I’m not Japanese.
But wait, he’s found two places that will let me in!
The first: a one-room (kitchen—bathroom—everything altogether) and I literally see rust and mold on the walls in the pics he shows me.
The second: not even in the city I’m looking at.
Why does this happen a lot? I guess the rationale is, “We don’t know when a foreigner will skip the country and leave before paying off the lease.”
I mean, I get that. There’s a lack of trust here.
Mortgages are another thing that foreigners struggle with. I wrote about how I got a good deal on mine despite all that.
Note: I did find a good apartment only because it was a place that allowed pets. I see no connection with myself here.
Cell Phones
I just got a new phone last month. There’s a deal where you don’t have to pay the full $40/month for the new iPhone if you sign on for a four-year deal. For the first two years, you pay $5 extra only, and if you switch phones then, you can avoid ever having to pay the high cost for the phone.
Yes, you’re forever an Apple slave but that’s not the point.
Point is, I couldn’t sign up for it. Why? I’m not a permanent resident. Again with the trust issues. So, my wife had to buy two phones and “sign one out” to me.
This isn’t the first time this has happened. It’s literally every time I get a new phone here.
I mean, I’m okay with that because I trust my wife. But what if we got divorced? She would have the legal right to take my phone away.
Oh yeah, and my dog too. I wasn’t allowed to sign my name to him, even though I paid for him and was the main one who wanted him.
But, paradoxically, Toyota et me put my name on and get a car loan for a 30k car.
Weird.
I digress.
Society
Big vague concept here. And it’s hard to explain it succinctly so I’ll just rattle off some examples.
On a crowded train, the seat next to me is empty. Not every time, but on many occasions people have chosen to stand instead of sit by me. I don’t smell bad btw.
At work, some staff will refer to the Japanese teachers as Mr./Ms./Mrs. so and so. With the foreigners, it’s “Oh hey Shawn.” Even though I’ve asked to be addressed like everyone else.
People always ask when I’m going back home. To which I say, “This is my home now. I have a house here. I’m married. I’m gonna die here.” To which they say, “Uh-hu. So anyway, when you going back home?
None of the above examples are egregious. But they can be a death-by-a-thousand-cuts sort of deal.
I don’t want to belong
Would I love to get a good phone deal, good mortgage, buy any puppy I want to? Fuck yeah, I would.
But.
I also don’t expect Japan to change for me. Be nice if it would. But not gonna happen.
It took me a decade, but I feel “home” here now. I don’t fit in with all aspects of life, so I’ve carved out my own world here where I do.
Made my own friends. Built my own career. Found my own love.
Doesn’t mean it doesn't hurt when someone tells me to go home you dirty foreigner. But it does mean my value in who I am doesn’t depend on whether “Japan”, which is a made up concept anyway, accepts me or not.
I accept me.
I accept you, why not?
Much love.