Don't Travel Japan like an Asshole

Its simpler than you think

Sakura trees, the potential war-starter. Photo by author.

An American guy is committing the most heinous sin imaginable in Japan, right before my eyes.

The train is packed so tightly you could smell what the person next to you had for breakfast. Down the aisle, this man, early 20s, at the prime of his life, is brandishing something in his hands. The Japanese onlookers recoil in horror.

This guy was holding a branch from a sakura (cherry blossom) tree. This tree is so sacred, so nationally treasured, that no self-respecting human here would even dare to snap a twig off of it. The country so romanticizes cherry blossoms as a symbol of the brevity of life, that I think war could rightfully be declared right here and now.

And the Japanese, true to form, say nothing to the guy. The American, oblivious to his war crimes, is happy to just smile and enjoy his ride.

Japan is a great country to visit. Please come and see it for yourself. But, please, oh dear God please, don’t make me embarrassed to be a foreigner living here.

The invasion of the assholes

During the days of peak COVID the streets of Kyoto, where I live, resembled a zombie apocalypse. A little lonely yes, but really easy to get around. This year, tourism has skyrocketed once again.

Yes, cities like Kyoto are overcrowded now. But you should still come. There’s a reason places like these are popular. From being a city of 1.5 million people, there’s plenty going on from nightlife to food to temples. Kyoto has big city life but also is very close to forests and mountains.

With the influx of tourists, there has also been an influx of assholes; not many, but enough to notice.

There have been at least 3 cases I know of this year where foreign influencers have made the Japanese news for their a-holery.

• A man named “Johnny Somali” was recently arrested in Osaka. He had been to Japan a few times and became infamous for yelling really smart things on trains like “Hiroshima! US gonna do it again.”

• Fidias Panayiotou stowed away on bullet trains and pretended to be staying at nice hotels in order to get free food. He apologized saying he “didn’t know” Japan‘s culture enough to not make these kinds of mistakes.

• An Australian TikToker invaded a “women’s only” train carriage trying to say it was “segregation” for laughs. In reality, these train cars are for women to feel safe from sexual predators. Funny stuff guy.

Why bring these people up? These cases have spread like wildfire through the Japanese public, everyone and their sweet little grandmas are aware of them. Though most tourists aren’t like this, unfortunately, the stigma that foreigners act like they can get away with anything in Japan because the culture is one of non-confrontation has risen.

So, what should you do to not be an asshole in Japan? It all boils down to common sense really, I don't want any of you to be afraid of breaking rules to the point where you’re hesitant to take any sort of action.

I also am going to skip basic cultural no-nos. Things like:

• Don’t pass things with your chopsticks to someone else’s chopsticks

• Don’t go into somebody’s house with your shoes on

• Be sure to sacrifice a goat to the fire god every Friday night

I may have made that last one up. Sorry, I’m not telling.

Japanese people are fairly forgiving of foreigners who make cultural mistakes so I don’t think it is even worth saying too much about it. You’ll figure it out on your own with no harm done. What I do want to address are the more egregious errors I see often and that are harder to forgive.

Listen up to these rules, the shrine lion is watching. Photo by author.

1) Be mindful of your surroundings

The other day I was in a rush and had to get through the train’s ticket gate fast. About 200 Japanese people were in the same situation. Right in front of the gate, was a group of 10 foreign tourists rooted to the space in front of the exit.

Nobody could get through for a few minutes. Yeah, those people were probably having a hard time figuring out the system, English is in limited supply here. I could have been a good Samaritan, but I had to get to work. I don’t blame the tourists for needing help, but they were not aware of the traffic jam they were causing by just standing there.

None of the Japanese people said anything to them so I eventually walked up to them, said excuse me, and walked between them. They still took no notice of the reality of the situation.

It’s okay to be stumped and need help. It’s okay to stop and admire the beauty of something. But please be aware of the daily lives of the people around you.

2) Don’t demand that people speak English

Japan’s English level is shockingly low.

I’ve seen groups of tourists almost driving station attendants to tears by vomiting their English all over them. The poor guy was doing his best to remember his 30 years of forgotten English classes in junior high school.

To put yourself in his shoes, imagine you’re living in America, and some German tourist comes up to you speaking what sounds like nonsense to you. You try to understand what he wants, but he just keeps getting angrier the more you don’t understand. You would probably say it’s unreasonable for him to expect you to know his language, this is the US my guy, read the room.

Some people could say, “Hold on, Japan needs to catch up with the rest of the world, get with the program, and start mastering the lingua franca of the day if they want to join our club.”

My witty retort: Why?

Why should a country whose society functions fine without English suddenly embrace it? To attract foreign business? To make the lives of tourists more comfortable?

The fact is if you go to Japan, you have chosen to enter a world that is immersed in its own language. Whether it’s good, bad, smart, or dumb, doesn't matter. This is the way it is. Complaining that Japan “ought” to change won’t make a difference in the here and now. Yelling at a store clerk for directions won’t cause a linguistic revolution today. If anything, it may even drive people further away from ever wanting to learn English. The longer you live in this country, the more you realize that Japan doesn’t need English to operate.

Try this novel idea instead: learn as much Japanese as you can before you come. You’ll get an immediate payoff for that investment.

Lastly, I’m not saying don’t speak English to someone. Of course, try it. Just don’t be upset if you can’t find someone who understands you.

3) Be quiet on trains

Okay, so I lied about not going into cultural mistakes. Here’s a pretty big one I see all the time.

On trains, the rule is: BE QUIET.

You can have conversations if you keep them at a low volume.

True, sometimes you will see “some” Japanese people being loud on the train…..but this happens at night, after everyone’s piss drunk, and usually if you get dozens of people boarding from the same concert. Even so, very rare.

The other day I saw a foreign family riding the train from Nara to Kyoto. They were obviously enjoying themselves and good on them. Their two kids were running up and down the aisles, swinging from the bars and screaming their brains out.

I wish I could tell you that this is an exception. It is not.

Guaranteed, whenever I see a group of tourists on the train, they will be loud. I overheard one older Japanese guy, disgruntled and salty, say, “Damn foreigners, go home”, under his breath.

Obviously, I don’t agree with this asshole. But he was given fuel to his xenophobic fire by the commotion of TikTokers happening right in front of him.

In the end, just be a decent human being

If you come to Japan and don’t know the proper etiquette for entering a shrine, or how to introduce yourself to someone, or if it’s appropriate to eat sushi with your hands, you’ll be fine.

The only people that are going to care about that are those with whom you need not concern yourself. The average Japanese person wouldn’t come down on you, or even feel in their heart of hearts that you were offending them.

The things that really matter boil down to being a decent person.

That’s it, just some common sense applied to the situation. Foreign countries are great adventurous escapes, but they are home to the people you meet there.

By being aware of how you physically take up space, that English is not a privilege you can demand, and respecting quiet places, you are well on your way to de-assholifying yourself.