Even if You Self-Publish, You Need an Editor
Plus chapter 1 (final draft) of my upcoming horror novel
First experience with an editor
Chapter 1, 4th draft, of my book “Endless is the Night.”
I have been slacking the past few weeks on releasing chapters!
The reason? It was going through a thorough editing process and I didn’t want to mess up the shared Google Doc the editor was looking at.
When I started this journey of writing my first book, I thought that, since I would be self-publishing my novel, I didn’t need to dole out the cash to have an editor go over my manuscript. I could do it myself, right?
I was wrong.
Dead wrong.
If you have been following along with the chapters I’ve been releasing, you’ve been reading the result of my 3rd draft. After reading the editor’s comments on said draft, I am honestly shocked by how much work needs to be done!
I knew it wasn’t a finished product but I was blind to:
I misspelled the word “sound” as “seound” lol. Grammarly doesn’t catch them all!
The geography of some scenes was inconsistent.
Character motivations and actions were inconsistent.
Some action scenes had funky descriptions.
Some plot holes.
Missed minor details like the color of headlights.
I injured my characters but didn’t incorporate more realism into the story in how they would be affected by their wounds.
In praise, the editor said that my plot, language, overall creativity, and story quality were good. I’m a big-picture guy who is weak on the details, and it showed in my manuscript.
Not everyone can afford an editor. In shopping around the cheapest option would’ve cost me $2,000. I was incredibly lucky and a family friend (professional copywriter) offered to do it for much cheaper than that.
Even if you want to go the traditionally published route I suggest getting your manuscript edited before submission. Having extra eyes on your work is always a good thing. If there are still mistakes by draft 3, you alone will not see them, you need help.
So, from today until my book is released in mid-June I will be re-releasing chapters that have gone through a 4th and final walkthrough. Chapter 1 will be free for everyone to read but I’ll put the rest under the paywall.
Enjoy!
Chapter 1: Endless is the Night
January 1967
Wakayama, Japan
When confronted with the sum of all our fears, there are those who fight, those who take flight, and those who play dead. Kenji Matsushima drove along a mountain road that night in the lightly falling snow wishing he had the luxury of such choices. He looked at his fuel gauge: the needle sputtered and twitched right above empty. The hulk of frozen metal he piloted into the dark shook with feverish frailty, threatening to fall apart at any moment.
He barely had time to think when he left the city that morning on this spur-of-the-moment trip. You’re so boring and predictable, Ayumi had told him two days ago as she slipped out of bed to smoke in the kitchen. Her puffs of cancer shot up into the stove’s fan almost as quickly as her love for him had vanished. I think we should see other people. And with that, she was out the door and out of his life. At least she left the wedding ring on the coffee table.
The tires slipped at a right-hand turn but he managed to keep the car from crashing into the side rail. Of course: he had forgotten to put chains on.
Just keep your eyes focused on the road and everything will be okay.
He hit an incline, his wheels sloshed and nearly lost their grip as he snail-crawled his way up. Somehow, he abused the engine enough to lurch up and over the hill. In any other situation, the view would have been stunning. Great cedars and pines stood tall in the snowfall, their evergreen tops still visible though the road itself was a white haze. Even in his concentrated state of panic, Kenji was able to absorb these details.
Why didn’t I think this through?
He slammed his hand against the steering wheel. The car responded by fishtailing. He spun the wheel with sweaty palms. The back of the car swished left, and right, and then it straightened out. Having crested the hill, Kenji put the car in park. It wasn’t smart to stop in the middle of the road in a snowstorm, this he knew. He also knew that it wasn’t likely that any car would come screaming down the road to hit him, he hadn’t seen anyone for the past four hours. The static white of the snow was his only companion.
All I wanted was to do something spontaneous for once. Never again.
An hour after Ayumi had fled the stale air of the apartment, Kenji found himself staring at a wall of magazines in the convenience store down the street like a zombie. He felt the judgmental glances of other customers as they passed him, disgusted at his unshaven face and smelling his unwashed shirt, but he couldn't bring himself to move. Coming to his senses, his eyes focused on one of the prints, not the nudie mags he always bought on the way home from the office and tried to hide under his mattress as if he were still 13. No, this one was a camping magazine. The smiling bearded man on the cover was squatting next to a hole in the ice with some large fish in his left hand. The smile, the adventure, the raw power, and the self-satisfaction on that man’s face pierced Kenji’s mind like a bullet. That’s when the idea hit him: let’s do something spontaneous, to the mountains!
And to the mountains he had come. At least the car was warm. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to crash and have to survive out there, in the freezing night. Looking out his window, he saw the magnificent trees in the snow. And above them, a single star burned through the clouds and the storm. A red star. Possibly the planet Mars or a passing plane?
Kenji had the sudden feeling of being watched, of being alone beneath a featureless sky, a tiny spec on the great mountainside. Yet instead of loneliness, he felt known, seen, and watched. He also had the sudden realization that his life may very well be in danger. He had no idea where he was, his car had no gas, and he very likely was going to fly right through the side railing and into those trees. His grave would be forever under that red star, that watchful sentry in the dead winter sky.
No no no, stop it. Eyes on the road, everything will be okay.
Exactly eighty-three minutes later, his Datsun Fairlady Z died of lack of gas and became stranded right in the middle of a dark tunnel. Though it wasn’t snowing inside the tunnel, it was somehow colder than Kenji could have imagined. His emergency lights were blinking in the recess of that icy abyss, refracting their orange glow throughout the empty cavern. The lights splashed unruly shadows onto the curved walls, giving the impression that something was jumping out of the tunnel's far end, running straight at the car. He had noticed a sign right before entering the tunnel, that the road led to the town of Inunaki, only five kilometers ahead.
Kenji had never heard the name of the town before. Shit, he didn't even know the name of the mountain range he was in or even what prefecture it might be. Weird name for a town, Inunaki –“cry of the dog.” Sounds like the title for a cheesy werewolf movie, he thought. The black shapes on the tunnel walls leaped out in cadence with the flashing lights as he thought this. They took on the shape of wolves in his mind.
How far was that town? Five kilometers? He could manage that. Or at least that’s what he thought before he left the incubation of the car. He slipped on the ice as he got out, nearly cracking his head on the hood, yet narrowly escaped it by grabbing the door for support.
What now? Stay and wait for help or walk towards the town?
The road was desolate. The wind howled through the tunnel.
“Cry of the dog,” Kenji said aloud and chuckled to himself. He started walking towards Inunaki.
The snow wrapped its ghostly cloak over Kenji’s body as he trudged through the narrow mountain road. Numbness greeted his face, his fingers, and his toes. How long have I been walking? Seems like an hour.
He looked back and saw the faint outline of the tunnel across the gorge that forced the road to wrap and bend around the mountain like a crooked snake.
Lights. Flashes of yellow lit up the white walls of snow that separated him from the oncoming car. They reflected so strongly off the snow that Kenji was blinded and had to cover his eyes.
Shit, a car. Kenji was in the middle of the road. He ran to the side and pressed himself up against what he thought could be a tree. The searing headlights rushed by. Kenji waved his hands at the car but held little hope that they could see him.
The snow stopped falling and the sky cleared up. Crystal stars emerged in the sky, illuminating the fresh snow in a cold, unearthly, tone. The car passed him, pulled over, and switched on its emergency lights. The sudden change in both the atmosphere and his fortunes almost took his breath away.
Look at that, Kenji, told you things would be okay.
He ran as fast as his frozen muscles allowed him towards the stopped vehicle. A woman leaned her head out of the passenger side. Her smile lit up the winter night. Kenji thought about removing his wedding ring but resisted the urge. He was here to prove something to Ayumi after all. In any other circumstance that ring would have gone flying to his pockets. Kenji drew nearer the woman. Something about her eyes seemed off. They blended too well with the darkness of the forest behind her.
“Need some help?” the woman asked.
“Thank you so much. My car ran out of gas back there.” He stiffly pointed back
towards the tunnel. He twisted too quickly on the ice and knocked himself on his ass.
The woman laughed. He got back up to his feet and dusted off the snow.
“We saw it. That’s why we kept an eye out for you. Poor thing, you must be freezing.”
Kenji felt immediate relief warm up his veins. He kept walking towards the truck but before he reached it the woman hopped out with something in her hand. It was a bright orange container with a large black X shape made out of duct tape on its side. She was very small, up to Kenji’s chest at most, and he was no physical specimen. As she walked towards him, he could see what was off about her eyes: she was wearing sunglasses.
“Umm, a little dark for those, isn’t it?”
“Oh, these? Eye infection, makes me sensitive to light.” She laughed. Kenji’s face
went red and warm. He thought of a corny pickup line akin to “Don’t look at my bright smile” but again, resisted the urge. No need to die of both hypothermia and embarrassment at the same time.
The driver’s door opened and a man lumbered out. He was much taller than Kenji, thick at the shoulders and chest. His long grey hair spilled out from under his ski cap. He too was wearing sunglasses.
The relief that warmed his heart now turned to suspicion colder than the air that was atrophying his skin. Both the woman and the man were wearing black ski caps, black jackets, and black jeans. The woman clutched the orange canister to her chest and hesitantly approached, almost as if unsure of herself and what she planned to do.
“You know what? I think I’m okay, actually,” Kenji said and started back toward his car. He shuffled his feet quickly, careful not to outright start running, not yet at least.
The crunch of snow behind him came in quicker than he had time to comprehend. Before he even picked up his pace to a run, his vision burst into white as he felt a great force against the back of his head.
Then all was black.
Kenji woke and fixed his gaze on the woman holding the orange canister of what he now could see clearly labeled as gasoline. The world around him was muted, all sounds came at him as if through a thick wall. He took notice of nothing else save the woman cradling the gasoline close to her chest like an infant, peering at him through sunglasses set above a distinctive mole on her left cheek.
The large man from the truck was pinning Kenji to a curved cement wall next to a car with flashing emergency lights.
The tunnel, why am I back here?
The man was saying something but they sounded to Kenji like they were being spoken underwater. The woman was smiling with her row of perfectly bleached white teeth like a mother watching her son making friends at the local playground. The man’s face was so close to Kenji’s that he could smell the sausage he had eaten for lunch. Sweat poured down Kenji’s face, and urine soaked his pants, freezing to his skin. He couldn’t stop the pathetic whimper that now squeaked out of his mouth.
“Please, just take it, I don’t want any trouble.” Kenji reached into his pocket and handed over his wallet to the man. The man let go of Kenji. He looked inside, took out a wad of cash, and threw it into the wind rushing through the tunnel. The bills scattered into the void. The woman took the wallet and looked through his cards and ID.
“I don’t understand, what do you want then?” Kenji asked, stifling the sobs seeking to escape his throat.
The woman spoke up. “Kenji Matsushima, is it?” She flicked his driver’s license to the ground. “You’re about to be a part of something special. Something that hasn’t happened in a very long time. You should be glad of the opportunity we’re about to give you.” Her voice was eager, slightly nervous, yet chilling in its lack of empathy.
The large man took off his sunglasses. At first, Kenji couldn’t understand what he was seeing. A faint silver glow emanated from the hollows of his eyes. It could have been a reflection of the emergency lights, or even contact lenses. The woman took off her pair as well. She too had a cold silver gleam to her eyes. At the sight of this, Kenji felt his stomach retract into itself.
A strike to his face knocked him to the ground. He struggled to find his breath. Blood streamed down from the top of his head. His glasses smashed into bits that stuck to his cheeks.
“Please stop, please,” Kenji said through tearful gasps.
The man held a tire iron. He looked back towards his accomplice with a knowing smile. Kenji, normally a man of little action, took advantage of the momentary lack of attention and found himself springing to his feet. His legs carried him out of the tunnel, off the road, and into the forest, almost as if he had no control over what his body was doing. The snow was knee-high, yet he threw his body at it with all that he had. For a moment, he thought he might get away until he tripped over an unseen tree root and smashed his face into the powder.
As he rolled over, he saw stars shining out all over the black expanse of night. There were so many of them, all spectators to his plight. They were ardent with heavenly fire, the intensity of which gave Kenji the weighty impression they were beholding his position, watching him. He let out a silent prayer, hoping whoever may be out there was listening. He felt that someone was, and with that realization, there was no comfort. The blood of his body ran colder than that winter night.
So many stars. So many… red stars?
Before Kenji could ponder on the meaning of this, his assailants had caught up with him. He tried to fight off the man but a second crack to his skull with the tire iron silenced that nonsense. He lay there limply on the ground as the man dragged him back up the hill to the road. The man held onto Kenji’s legs, pulling him along back into the tunnel, now resembling a monstrous open maw. Kenji clawed at the concrete. His nails were worn down as he was dragged along.
The man hit Kenji’s right hand with his weapon. A crunching sound and blinding pain told him it had been broken. The man lifted Kenji like a toddler and shoved him back into his own car’s backseat. Kenji tried to kick open the doors on the opposite side just as the tire iron cracked him across the jaw once again. Lying there broken on the seat, he realized he was going to die. This car would be his tomb. Looking around, he saw the back of the driver’s headrest. Stuffing bled out of the fake leather in patches. Sudden memories of losing his virginity to Ayumi, staring at that same headrest, back when there were no stuffing wounds, came to him. Funny, the details that rush into the mind in its last moments of life. The sound of rain trickled over the roof of the vehicle. It was almost soothing to Kenji.
Maybe it’s not a bad idea to just go to sleep until this is over. Just let it pass. Keep looking at the headrest, a memory of a better time.
The sound now invaded the inside of the car and something splashed over Kenji’s face. The overbearing smell of gasoline forced him out of his stupor. He was drenched in the liquid, his eyes stung, and the fumes began choking him. A flicker of orange and red caught his eyes. The woman was holding a lit match, and her eyes, with their cool glow, stared deep into Kenji’s soul. A cruel smirk crept up her lips. All the world receded from Kenji’s perception, all sounds and smells and touch. He remained hypnotized by that smile.
In his mind, he saw Ayumi walking out that door with her typical puff of air out her nostrils, a sign she was annoyed. It was one of the many little things that he had loved, no, that he does love, about her. He came here for her, to prove himself a better man, and now he would never leave, and she would never know how he tried and failed to change himself for her. That hurt more than his broken jaw.
The woman tossed the match into the car.
Everything erupted into flames, and they soon engulfed Kenji. He screamed out in agony, both primal in ferocity and childlike in its desperation. The pain gave him strength enough, and he kicked open the backseat door, his flaming body spilling out onto the road as he crawled to the entrance of the tunnel.
As he lay there, on that cold road, burning, his eyes did not rest on the storm of flame consuming his body. His mind did not focus on the crackling pain searing his flesh or even on the memories of Ayumi that were receding behind the wall of pain.
Instead, his vision was arrested upwards. The last thing Kenji Matsushima ever saw in this world was a bright red light welcoming him as he screamed into the winter night.
Have you edited the first paragraph? It seems punchier. I'm glad you got an editor. A must. (along w/ professional cover art imho).